Thursday, July 08, 2010
Monday, July 05, 2010
10.17am- Take Heart
This has been one hard weekend but take heart, I have survived. I am at peace with my choice regarding the Cottage- have heard from or spoken to my committee, who are also finding peace with the decision to close the doors.
It has been a hellish weekend for me, my mind has been like a race car track, zooming at speeds i have never encountered before; after announcing the closure, my mind automatically went into 'fix it' mode and started thinking of possible answers only to realise via a guided dream last night, that there are no answers at this stage, no solutions because in truth, there is NO PROBLEM to be fixed.
Where I am now is not the ending of a path, merely a fork in the road, and I KNOW that i will be shown direction, will be shown opportunities in the months to come that never would have surfaced if i was still running the Cottage.
This is part of my path and today, after the bloody awful weekend that was, I am embracing this gift I have been given.
I know I have been selected to teach at least for another three to five years, but at this stage, i don't know how, when or where- I don't care really, I need a break.
I know that those closest to me will remain so, no surprises there.
There is travel for me too and a book to be finished- a book about Rose Cottage I feel and the personalities i have met there over the years.
There is finally, an end to my sadness and i see this so clearly now- the sadness I have allowed to manifest into physical symptoms over the last year- I have it by the tail now.
So
YES
life will continue on for the Rose Cottage Faithful
we will continue to move forward because it is what we are suppose to do.
Dreams are of paramount importance right now- they are spilling the beans on futures we had never dreamt of, giving us reason and hope.
Blog regular readers will know that it was not that long ago MAY 27, i was shown a new guide Ailef, whose purpose it is to lead me through the next period of my life- i am reconnecting with her right now.
So, when all is said and done
it is time to
TAKE HEART
and to move forward.
I know we all realise that, we do.
The pain of make the decision has been replaced
by the joy of freedom and opportunity to grow.
My horrible weekend is over,
a new week begins.
Yep, Yep, Yep.
Sunday, July 04, 2010
10.15am- Sunday
I am really unwell today.
Pressure in my lower back and legs.
Pain in my head.
Still, my heart is clear.
I know i have done the right thing regarding Rose Cottage and the feedback I have recieved from nearly everyone is very supportive of this.
Over a very restless night i have had some inspirtation come to me regarding my future
and the paths it must take from here.
I have spoken to Todd regarding the continuation of the website- in a different form maybe, but under the Rose Cottage Banner and he is eager to help. I love Todd.
I am thinking of maybe a 'hub' for Newcastle- advertising AFFORDABLE classes, groups, get togethers etc within Newcastle.
Its just a thought for now- open to idea's.
I am thinking of asking every spiritual 'business' in Newcastle to offer one good/service/class etc BY DONATION and that good/service/class could be added to the website..........like i said. early thinking, probably nothing just yet, but will wait and see.
YES, i will continue to do mentoring- the only difference being that the monthly meeting will be held in the nest, rather than in the Cottage.
Yes, i have some very bare bones ideas.
What i would like to do is get myself back in touch with Wicca and my role as a daughter of the Goddess.
This is a personal journey, very personal and i am keeping it that way for now.
I have always been a solitare at heart.
HOM has some plans for the Cottage but nothing that will be done straight away- this takes away the rush to 'empty' the place and i can do it at a more easy pace for me.
Most of my library will end up on ebay i think, but still, it is too far away to say.
I am still in surreal land, unwilling to part with anything.
First and foremost is surviving this month, and i am pretty sure our regular groups like Tarot, Anamcara, Around the Cauldron , Tai Chi will go ahead , at least for the next couple of weeks- I will wait for confirmation from the girls but at this point i would say yes- watch this space and the website for updates. I will do my very best to get along to these groups over the next couple of weeks.
so, today, not feeling the best
but it will pass for sure
and am thinking we should have a farewell party for the Cottage..........just a thought.
Will see what happens when i am feeling better than today
Lisa x
Pressure in my lower back and legs.
Pain in my head.
Still, my heart is clear.
I know i have done the right thing regarding Rose Cottage and the feedback I have recieved from nearly everyone is very supportive of this.
Over a very restless night i have had some inspirtation come to me regarding my future
and the paths it must take from here.
I have spoken to Todd regarding the continuation of the website- in a different form maybe, but under the Rose Cottage Banner and he is eager to help. I love Todd.
I am thinking of maybe a 'hub' for Newcastle- advertising AFFORDABLE classes, groups, get togethers etc within Newcastle.
Its just a thought for now- open to idea's.
I am thinking of asking every spiritual 'business' in Newcastle to offer one good/service/class etc BY DONATION and that good/service/class could be added to the website..........like i said. early thinking, probably nothing just yet, but will wait and see.
YES, i will continue to do mentoring- the only difference being that the monthly meeting will be held in the nest, rather than in the Cottage.
Yes, i have some very bare bones ideas.
What i would like to do is get myself back in touch with Wicca and my role as a daughter of the Goddess.
This is a personal journey, very personal and i am keeping it that way for now.
I have always been a solitare at heart.
HOM has some plans for the Cottage but nothing that will be done straight away- this takes away the rush to 'empty' the place and i can do it at a more easy pace for me.
Most of my library will end up on ebay i think, but still, it is too far away to say.
I am still in surreal land, unwilling to part with anything.
First and foremost is surviving this month, and i am pretty sure our regular groups like Tarot, Anamcara, Around the Cauldron , Tai Chi will go ahead , at least for the next couple of weeks- I will wait for confirmation from the girls but at this point i would say yes- watch this space and the website for updates. I will do my very best to get along to these groups over the next couple of weeks.
so, today, not feeling the best
but it will pass for sure
and am thinking we should have a farewell party for the Cottage..........just a thought.
Will see what happens when i am feeling better than today
Lisa x
Saturday, July 03, 2010
2.06pm- its Official
Yep
it is official now
the committee have been informed
and i have put notices on both the Rose Cottage website
and the Face Book page
Yes, its official.
Rose Cottage will close its doors for the last time
at the end of this month, bringing 6 years
of a very special experience
to an end
It has been a really difficult last week for me
trying to weigh up
the pro's and con's
of whether to keep slugging it out
or to give in to the fates
ofcourse the fates have won.
I notified my committee girls yesterday and today
braved the facebook page to do the same
it has been hard, i'll tell you
very emotional
very intense
but inevitably
i feel
the right choice has been made
My committee have really done the hard yards
this year
picking up the ball
and running with it with new ethusiasm
but eventually
i could see
that the writing was on the wall.
So we begin the wrap up of over six years of my life
my work
and for many of you it has been close to six years as well.
I am very emotional but yes, i know the time is right to sign off
we all know that
but it doesnt take the pain away
or the sadness i am feeling
the time is right
and I have new directions calling me
new adventures
overall, I am proud of what i have achieved
but always acknowledged that it was never really me alone
the help i have had from the Rose Cottage Community
has really been the fuel in my tank
that kept me going
but now, i just dont have what it takes to keep it going anymore
i am tired
tired
I like to think of my self as a woman of integrity
and i truly believe that spirituality
should not be a business
that sharing knowledge between sisters
should not be to make one sister richer than the other
over the years i have been challenged in this belief
and supported 100% by Marc
Spirituality and spiritual teaching
are not, should not, be seen as marketable items
and with the current trend of people thinking otherwise
I can find no peace
no place for me
My dream for Rose Cottage was always
that it would be a community of people
learning and teaching
teaching and learning
where people could be touched by the Divine
without it costing them the grocery money.
I stand by my dream
completely.
Yep, i have some hurt too
and i am working with that-
trying to work out why when i gave so much
i was then publicly debased and humiliated
by those i trusted so much.
My kids tell me that it was about that time
late last year
that i 'lost heart'
and my answer to that is that i didnt lose heart
it was just so much harder to function with a broken heart,
and broken it was
and i fear always will be in that regard.
Still, the majority of memories are wonderous and magickal
and i feel pride in myself for my achievments
for never selling out
for never putting a price on what should be given free.
Rose Cottage started as a 'by donation' community
and ends the same way.
So yes,
it is now official.
Classes will continue as normal for the next couple of weeks
before the doors close for good on the 31st.
I am sad but happy
happy but sad too
i know what i set out to do
and i have done it as best i can
Everyone who has ever walked through the door of Rose Cottage
has changed my life experience in one way or another
and for that
i am a much better
much wiser person.
Please accept my gratitude
for the part you have played in my dream
Gratitude
Gratitude
Gratitude
Blessed Be
Lisa x
it is official now
the committee have been informed
and i have put notices on both the Rose Cottage website
and the Face Book page
Yes, its official.
Rose Cottage will close its doors for the last time
at the end of this month, bringing 6 years
of a very special experience
to an end
It has been a really difficult last week for me
trying to weigh up
the pro's and con's
of whether to keep slugging it out
or to give in to the fates
ofcourse the fates have won.
I notified my committee girls yesterday and today
braved the facebook page to do the same
it has been hard, i'll tell you
very emotional
very intense
but inevitably
i feel
the right choice has been made
My committee have really done the hard yards
this year
picking up the ball
and running with it with new ethusiasm
but eventually
i could see
that the writing was on the wall.
So we begin the wrap up of over six years of my life
my work
and for many of you it has been close to six years as well.
I am very emotional but yes, i know the time is right to sign off
we all know that
but it doesnt take the pain away
or the sadness i am feeling
the time is right
and I have new directions calling me
new adventures
overall, I am proud of what i have achieved
but always acknowledged that it was never really me alone
the help i have had from the Rose Cottage Community
has really been the fuel in my tank
that kept me going
but now, i just dont have what it takes to keep it going anymore
i am tired
tired
I like to think of my self as a woman of integrity
and i truly believe that spirituality
should not be a business
that sharing knowledge between sisters
should not be to make one sister richer than the other
over the years i have been challenged in this belief
and supported 100% by Marc
Spirituality and spiritual teaching
are not, should not, be seen as marketable items
and with the current trend of people thinking otherwise
I can find no peace
no place for me
My dream for Rose Cottage was always
that it would be a community of people
learning and teaching
teaching and learning
where people could be touched by the Divine
without it costing them the grocery money.
I stand by my dream
completely.
Yep, i have some hurt too
and i am working with that-
trying to work out why when i gave so much
i was then publicly debased and humiliated
by those i trusted so much.
My kids tell me that it was about that time
late last year
that i 'lost heart'
and my answer to that is that i didnt lose heart
it was just so much harder to function with a broken heart,
and broken it was
and i fear always will be in that regard.
Still, the majority of memories are wonderous and magickal
and i feel pride in myself for my achievments
for never selling out
for never putting a price on what should be given free.
Rose Cottage started as a 'by donation' community
and ends the same way.
So yes,
it is now official.
Classes will continue as normal for the next couple of weeks
before the doors close for good on the 31st.
I am sad but happy
happy but sad too
i know what i set out to do
and i have done it as best i can
Everyone who has ever walked through the door of Rose Cottage
has changed my life experience in one way or another
and for that
i am a much better
much wiser person.
Please accept my gratitude
for the part you have played in my dream
Gratitude
Gratitude
Gratitude
Blessed Be
Lisa x
10.15am- so it is
a choice has been made
an outcome reached
sad, so sad
true though
it is time
yes it is
6 years of my life is enough
who knows what will happen next ?
who knows...
Friday, July 02, 2010
10.42am- faith and the cosmic tumblers
Yesterday,
i sat with my friend Michelle
in a cafe run by a short man
who loves Michelle
and next to us
at the other table
sat two young guys
about 20-25 years old
heartily chowing into a delicious big brekkie each
something about them caught my eye
as they finished eating
and then
both pulled out bibles
old bibles
and started reading to each other
quietly
in amongst the hustle and bustle of an inner city cafe
they read
laughed
and discussed
what they had read together
and then
they
prayed together
prayed
in the cafe
at the table
next to us.
I watched,
transfixed by the faith
the devotion
the pure, simple joy
these two young men took
in their faith.
I watched
the beauty of it
of faith
unquestioned
as the cosmic tumblers in Lisa's universe
went click, click, click
telling me
that my faith
didnt need a setting
didnt need a label
didnt cost more than a morning spent with a friend
and the charge of a big brekkie
click
click
click
how beautiful
is the faith
that can be practised
anywhere
at anytime
by anyone
by me
I watched these boys
faith in motion
beautiful
and I knew
that I
would always be okay
always be guided
always would be supported
click
click
click
the answers fell into my lap
gratitude
yes
label-less
unpaid for
un prepared
faith
click
click
click
i sat with my friend Michelle
in a cafe run by a short man
who loves Michelle
and next to us
at the other table
sat two young guys
about 20-25 years old
heartily chowing into a delicious big brekkie each
something about them caught my eye
as they finished eating
and then
both pulled out bibles
old bibles
and started reading to each other
quietly
in amongst the hustle and bustle of an inner city cafe
they read
laughed
and discussed
what they had read together
and then
they
prayed together
prayed
in the cafe
at the table
next to us.
I watched,
transfixed by the faith
the devotion
the pure, simple joy
these two young men took
in their faith.
I watched
the beauty of it
of faith
unquestioned
as the cosmic tumblers in Lisa's universe
went click, click, click
telling me
that my faith
didnt need a setting
didnt need a label
didnt cost more than a morning spent with a friend
and the charge of a big brekkie
click
click
click
how beautiful
is the faith
that can be practised
anywhere
at anytime
by anyone
by me
I watched these boys
faith in motion
beautiful
and I knew
that I
would always be okay
always be guided
always would be supported
click
click
click
the answers fell into my lap
gratitude
yes
label-less
unpaid for
un prepared
faith
click
click
click
Thursday, July 01, 2010
12.48pm- tears
cant stop crying
this is part of the healing i am told
am so angry too
angry at the world
angry at nearly everyone
i wish i could feel again without the hurt
i wish i could console you in your pain
but i cant
i am struggling here with my own pain
stuggling to be fair to all
i am going to sleep now
i know i shouldnt but i am
exhaustion makes this all a bit too much
I need to close it off for a minute
worrying about the cottage
the stress it is under
knowing that it needs a mothers love
and i am dry, devoid of that for now
mind me not
i am overwhelmed with my life
with my loss
with my own world of hurt
the wind will blow
and i will change again
i know that
i know it
thank you Michelle
for allow my anger to be heard
for allowing my loss to be recognised and validated
for allowing me a glimpse of the world without pain
for getting Dimitri to serve us
xxx
this is part of the healing i am told
am so angry too
angry at the world
angry at nearly everyone
i wish i could feel again without the hurt
i wish i could console you in your pain
but i cant
i am struggling here with my own pain
stuggling to be fair to all
i am going to sleep now
i know i shouldnt but i am
exhaustion makes this all a bit too much
I need to close it off for a minute
worrying about the cottage
the stress it is under
knowing that it needs a mothers love
and i am dry, devoid of that for now
mind me not
i am overwhelmed with my life
with my loss
with my own world of hurt
the wind will blow
and i will change again
i know that
i know it
thank you Michelle
for allow my anger to be heard
for allowing my loss to be recognised and validated
for allowing me a glimpse of the world without pain
for getting Dimitri to serve us
xxx
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
2.50pm- this is my plan
this is my plan
so far
so much stuff has come up for me during the nine weeks i spent in hospital between March and now
I am forever now
innocence lost
i am dealing with that
as best i can
memories most heinous
have resurfaced to be dealt with
but in doing so, have given me
perspective into my thoughts, actions, words, life
in remembering the past
I have found me
unearthed me
i see now that its not pretty
it is just how it is
for years i have lived in fear
of what exactly , i don't know
but fear just the same
cold hard fear
i don't want answers
excuses
apologies
I need recognition
validation
only then can i move past
the past
it makes me sick
sorry
sad
but ultimately
it will make me stronger than i ever envisioned
and for that I feel gratitude
I am healing now
trying hard to find a place
where i fit in
the new me
the me that is harder, angrier, stronger
than ever before
as a Goddess I am KALI
anger, wrath, death, destruction
clearing out the debris
of my life
making room for more living
re-living
I feel Her energy around me,
whipping up a storm in my head
in my heart
that lays waste to those i protected
with my silence
with my fear
so it begins
again
this program of shedding light
on that which i have buried in the dark
no corner will ever shelter
a thief again
all thieves will be cast out
the light blinding them
into submission
into recognition
of their failures towards me
for now
I live
i work
on my own terms
in my own space
i forgive where i am able
and it surprises no one more than me
that for many i am unable to forgive
no longer do i hand out my heart
my trust
my faith
no longer do I allow trespassers on my soul
on my life
no more thieves robbing me of what is mine
oh no
no more
Lisa has left the building
the new one in her place stands tall
strong
willing to make the hard choices
take the hard yards
standing up to life's hardships
standing up for herself
my happiness lies in this
my nest
the man i love, adore
the children i have reared
protected from thieves
my real friends need no reintroduction
they have never left
they stayed with me
stood steadfast
stood vigil during my absence
during the uncertainty of my insipid illness
and its outcome
they are standing there still
by my side
no matter how i have seemingly faulted
they never gave up on me
never ever
they know who they are
they know
as do I
so I am to teaching
what i can
what i know
on a schedule
made to suit me
I am working from my nest
drawing too
images of the Divine
I have no label
other than Lisa and Mum
and that is so freeing
so liberating
just to be me
and me is all I am
all I can be
just me
all i want to be
I am healing in my heart
healing in my soul
healing in my body
healing by myself
alone
by choice
the only way i can truly heal
is alone
gratitude is felt
for those who i love so true
I can be anything i want to be
as long as i can live
through the darkness of my memories
I have chosen to survive
so it will be
so it will be
Lisa I am
Kali I am
standing guard against the thieves
shining light on what has been stolen
so far
so much stuff has come up for me during the nine weeks i spent in hospital between March and now
I am forever now
innocence lost
i am dealing with that
as best i can
memories most heinous
have resurfaced to be dealt with
but in doing so, have given me
perspective into my thoughts, actions, words, life
in remembering the past
I have found me
unearthed me
i see now that its not pretty
it is just how it is
for years i have lived in fear
of what exactly , i don't know
but fear just the same
cold hard fear
i don't want answers
excuses
apologies
I need recognition
validation
only then can i move past
the past
it makes me sick
sorry
sad
but ultimately
it will make me stronger than i ever envisioned
and for that I feel gratitude
I am healing now
trying hard to find a place
where i fit in
the new me
the me that is harder, angrier, stronger
than ever before
as a Goddess I am KALI
anger, wrath, death, destruction
clearing out the debris
of my life
making room for more living
re-living
I feel Her energy around me,
whipping up a storm in my head
in my heart
that lays waste to those i protected
with my silence
with my fear
so it begins
again
this program of shedding light
on that which i have buried in the dark
no corner will ever shelter
a thief again
all thieves will be cast out
the light blinding them
into submission
into recognition
of their failures towards me
for now
I live
i work
on my own terms
in my own space
i forgive where i am able
and it surprises no one more than me
that for many i am unable to forgive
no longer do i hand out my heart
my trust
my faith
no longer do I allow trespassers on my soul
on my life
no more thieves robbing me of what is mine
oh no
no more
Lisa has left the building
the new one in her place stands tall
strong
willing to make the hard choices
take the hard yards
standing up to life's hardships
standing up for herself
my happiness lies in this
my nest
the man i love, adore
the children i have reared
protected from thieves
my real friends need no reintroduction
they have never left
they stayed with me
stood steadfast
stood vigil during my absence
during the uncertainty of my insipid illness
and its outcome
they are standing there still
by my side
no matter how i have seemingly faulted
they never gave up on me
never ever
they know who they are
they know
as do I
so I am to teaching
what i can
what i know
on a schedule
made to suit me
I am working from my nest
drawing too
images of the Divine
I have no label
other than Lisa and Mum
and that is so freeing
so liberating
just to be me
and me is all I am
all I can be
just me
all i want to be
I am healing in my heart
healing in my soul
healing in my body
healing by myself
alone
by choice
the only way i can truly heal
is alone
gratitude is felt
for those who i love so true
I can be anything i want to be
as long as i can live
through the darkness of my memories
I have chosen to survive
so it will be
so it will be
Lisa I am
Kali I am
standing guard against the thieves
shining light on what has been stolen
12.16pm- LANI- cancelled
Please pass around....
Lani, our guest speaker for tonight has had to cancel due to ill health.
There will be NO Around the Cauldron tonight.
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